Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
---- Rime of the Ancient Mariner, (1798)
by Samuel Taylor Coleridge
A man goes to his doctor because he’s been feeling very ill for days. The doctor gives him several sets of pills.
The doctor instructs; “Take the green pill with two big glasses of water when you get up. An hour later, take the white pill with another glass of water. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Mid afternoon, take the orange pill with plenty of water, and repeat that at dinner. Then, just before going to bed, take the red pill with several big glasses of water.”
The man is alarmed at huge volume of medicine he has been given to take, and nervously asks, “What’s the diagnosis? What’s wrong with me?”
The doctor says, “You’re dehydrated.”
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You're a real drip.
Did you hear the watermelon joke?
A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.
The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".
A minister is stopped by a state trooper for speeding. The trooper smells alcohol on his breath and sees an empty wine bottle on the floor.
The tropper asks, “Sir, have you been drinking?” And the minister says, “Just water.”
The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?” And the minister looks down at the bottle and says,
“Good Lord, He’s done it again!”
George went to visit his elderly cousin Darrel and while eating the breakfast of eggs and bacon prepared for him, he noticed a film-like substance on his plate. So he says, "Cus, are these plates clean?" Darrel replies, "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them."
That afternoon, while eating the hamburgers Darrel made for lunch, he noticed many little black specks around the edge of his plate so again he asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?" Without looking up from his burger Darrel says, "I told you those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them."
Later that day, they were on their way out to get dinner. As George was leaving the house, Darrel''s dog who was lying on the floor started to growl and would not let him pass. " Darrel, your dog won''t let me out." Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching, Darrel shouted, "Coldwater, get out of the way!"
Why is the letter T like an island?
Because its in the middle of water!!!
Yo girlfriend is so ugly, when she gets in the tub, the water jumps out.
Glenn sends his son, Evan to bed. Five minutes later, Evan screams downstairs, “Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?” Glenn says, “No. You had your chance.”
After a minute Evan screams again, “Dad! Can you get me a glass of water?” Glenn says, “No. I told you, you had your chance. If you ask one more time, I’ll come up there and spank you.”
After a short silence, the father hears, “Dad! When you come up to spank me, can you bring me a glass or water?”